The Adventures of Harriet and Rowan
by Lizard Lad
Summary: In a mishap involving a potion and study habits, Harry and Ron get turned into girls. My first fic, funnier than it looks.
1. The Intelligence Elixur

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. If I did, I would make you all be my slaves if you wanted to read even one page of my glorious, glorious books! Mwa-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-HA-ha-ha!**(1)** (Sorry, got a little carried away in the moment.) Now, without further ado…

**The Adventures of Harriet and Rowan**

Chapter 1

The Intelligence Elixir

Ron Weasley was studying (a rare occurrence) in the Gryffindor common room with his best friend, Harry Potter. He was flipping through his potions textbook when he came across an extremely simple and useful recipe. "Hey!" he said, "I just came across an extremely simple and useful recipe!" "I just said that." I said. "Well, I was just trying to give the readers some sort of…" he began to say, but then turned to stare at me. "Who the heck are you?" He asked. "I am just a figment of your imagination." I said, putting on my sunglasses and zapping him with my memory-eraser-thingy. **(2)**

Having forgotten what just happened, Ron turned to Harry and pointed to the page the extremely simple and useful recipe was on. "It's called the intelligence elixir." he explained, "If we drink it, it will give us temporary extreme smartness. We'd ace that potions test for sure!" "Let me see!" said Harry. "Hmm... It says we'll need a quarter-cup of powdered cuttlebone… A pinch of Peruvian jungle-spice… And a half-dozen claws from a kangaroo rat. Those are all in the student's potions supply closet!"

So they set to work gathering the ingredients. This took about five hours, and was quite an interesting process, so naturally it will not be described any further.

When they where done, they both took a glass of the semi-transparent, pink liquid. They walked up to their beds, and turned to face each other, each with his glass in hand. Ron proposed a toast. "To um… um… Pine trees? Tupperware? Small bowls of chicken broth?" "Intelligence?" Harry ventured. "To intelligence!" Ron shouted. **(3)** They both drank their potion, which was quite nasty. So nasty that it made Harry make a funny face, which made Ron laugh, which made potion squirt out his nose, which made Harry's front all sticky, which made him go all "Yuck!" which made laundry duty for the house elves all the more hard which made the author of this fanfiction write a mind-numbingly run-on sentence.

After that they promptly fell asleep. Why I bothered to make a new paragraph just to say that, and how many licks it takes to get the chocolate tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop, the world will never know. **(4)**

A/N: Well, what did you think? Reviews are optional (this being my first fic, I have not yet been consumed by an overwhelming hunger for them) and the next chapters (which will be reasonably longer than this one) will come as quickly as my little, teenage fingers can type them.

And now, a guide to spoofs/rip-offs from this chapter.

**(1)** You may recognize this as the trademark evil laugh of Mandark from _Dexter's Laboratory_.

**(2)** This is practically an actual scene from _Men in Black_. I only saw about 15 minutes of the movie until I got freaked out and turned it off. Yes, I was 13 at the time. Mock me if you must.

**(3)** The whole "searching for the right word" thing and the line "Small bowls of chicken broth?" where taken from the _Dave the Barbarian_ episode with the garglepipes.

**(4)** This, of course, is the Tootsie Pop's slogan-thingy.


	2. Dream On

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, not even his weird dreams… Well, I own this one, anyway.

The Adventures of Harriet and Rowan Chapter 2 

Dream On

That night, Harry had one of his trademarked "foreshadowing dreams".

"Who are you?" Harry asked as he pulled off Voldermort's black and orange mask. To his horror, he found his own face leering back at him. The face started to laugh manically… **(1)**

The dream ended and gave way to a new one.

Harry was flying on his firebolt over a sea of blue. As he flew, he found himself repeatedly looking at himself in his clip-on mirror (you know the one Hermione gave him for Christmas?). He tried to distract himself by looking down at the water, but saw that the once-sapphire ocean was slowly turning pink! Now Harry was really worried. And he still couldn't stop looking in the mirror! As he stared at his reflection, he was gripped by an overwhelming desire to apply lipstick, and maybe some eye shadow. The world started to spin. Harry's broom, which had sprouted the head of a pony, started to buck. Harry tried to hold on, but he eventually fell of and hurdled toward the magenta water beneath him…

Then Harry woke up.

'Phew!' He thought, 'It was just a dream!' Or _was_ it? Dun dun dun! (Ominous music provided by yours truly) Harry was about to brush a hair out of his face, but instead stared at the wayward lock. 'My hair isn't that long!' He thought to himself. He turned and stared at the rest of his hair. It had grown at least a foot since he had fallen asleep! He looked down at the rest of his body. Since this is only a PG fic, I won't describe the changes to thoroughly. Let's just say he would need a little _support_ from now on.

Harry screamed in a high-pitched, feminine voice. He jumped out of bed, still screaming, and saw Ron. He had changed as well. Ron screamed. Harry screamed. They would have turned blue and collapsed if it wasn't for the fact I needed them for this story and good endearing storybook characters are hard to find these days.

"Hey, what's with all the ruckus?" Asked a sleepy voice. Neville had woken up and was getting groggily out of bed. When he saw Harry and Ron, he screamed to, even more high-pitched. He pulled a random "Emergency Girl Alarm" lever and dove under his bed. Awakened by the blaring alarm, the other boys got hurriedly out of bed. When they saw Harry and Ron, they screamed "Aaaah! Girls!" and lunged under Neville's bed (for reasons unexplained, they could all fit in under there somehow). Harry tried to explain. "Guys! It's us! Harry and Ron!" However, it didn't work. "Yeah, right!" Said Shamus, quivering from fear of cootie exposure. "I'll need some proof before I believe that!" Harry parted his (or, I suppose, her) hair and showed his lightning-bolt scar. "Well, works for me!" Said Fred as he climbed out from under the bed.

"What happened to you guys?" asked George, amazed at the transformation. "I don't know!" answered Harry, "We had made this 'intelligence elixir' and each had some before going to sleep." "Wait a second," interrupted Fred, "where exactly did you get the ingredients for the potion?" "The supply closet." Harry and Ron both said in unison. Fred and George gave each other a look. "What did you do?" the entire room asked the twins in an almost bored voice. "Well…" they began "We might have accidentally sort of maybe… Switchedsomeoftheingedientswithotherstuff." They said quickly. "YOU WHAT?!" Harry and Ron bellowed "'Fraid so." Said the George "The replacement ingredients mixed together must have made a gender-switching potion."

"Wow." said Neville, "I wonder how many potions that little prank mixed up."

Meanwhile, in the Slyrtherin common room… "A llama?!?!" screamed Draco Malfoy, staring confusedly at the now-furry body of his victim, "He's supposed to be dead!" "Yeah, weird." said his cronies, Crab and Goyle. **(2)**

"So now," Fred said, grinning, "Instead of Harry and Ron, you two will have to be… Harriet and Rowan!"

"Great." grumbled Harry. "Harriet." corrected George. "Whatever." I said. "Hey, you're the one who wrote us into this in the first place!" shouted Rowan, "At least try and get our names right!" Oh yah, it was memory-zap time. **(3)**

A/N: To start with, I would like to post a message to any girls who might be reading this: I am not suggesting, in any way, that all girls are obsessed with makeup, ponies and the color pink. I'm just messing around with stereotypes, so no need to be offended. Okay, now that ElfKingofDemons has stopped hovering her sword menacingly behind my neck, I can move on. No real need to review, I don't need them (I'm defying everything you thought you knew about authors right now, aren't I?). Also, NO FLAME! ME NO LIKE FLAMES! ME LIKE MONSTER OF FRANKENSTIEN, ONLY WITH BETTER HYGEINE AND SOCIAL SKILLS! (However, I do have a deep-rooted fear of angry village people, but it's more closely linked to the song "YMCA" **(4)** than to being chased out of town by a mob.)

All right then, it's time for the spoof/rip-off guide!

**(1)** Basically, this is a Harry Potter version of the beginning of _Teen Titans_ episode "Apprentice, Part 1" in which Robin is chasing Slade.

**(2)** This is, word for word, a scene from the Disney movie _The Emperor's New Groove_. Man, I loved that movie.

**(3)** See spoof/rip-off guide of chapter 1.

**(4)** Most people seem to be able to grasp the concept that the band Village People sang the song "YMCA".


End file.
